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Note to self, Batman, Geoff Johns and Jim Lee's new Justice League of America #1 was just . . . not very good.

Here's a good intro to the JLA: from JLA Secret Files & Origins #1, Star Seed!

Something is going on in Blue Valley, Nebraska (home of once and future Flash Wally West). A weird alien thing has glomped onto a tower in the small city, and Wally tells a nervous cop that they were right to call him in. "UFOs materializing inside office blocks just happen to be my specialty." So Wally runs inside to investigate, but is accosted by a bunch of one-eyed flying starfish!


No, really, Superman?

Diana agrees with me that Clark can be mightily daft sometimes, and says they shouldn't be wasting time when Blue Valley's in so much danger, but Batman points out that without a proper strategy, nothing will stop the alien from taking over the rest of them just as easily as it just did Wally. Superman says that's why he gathered them to the satellite, though he's uneasy about just taking charge without consulting the Justice League. J'onn points out that there isn't a Justice League at the moment. Aquaman and Batman commiserate about that, and then the Spectre shows up and advises they ignore Blue Valley and let the populace die.

Superman's having none of that, but the Spectre reminds him and everyone present just who it is he answers to. J'onn says that leaves the Earth open to the threat of conquest by the alien starfish, but the Spectre says that the government is already preparing a nuclear strike that will successfully eradicate the infestation, once the normal population of Blue Valley is evacuated. Kyle chimes in, asking about Wally and all the other people that have been taken, and the Spectre answers calmly, "They will die." . . . "Unless you choose to complicate matters."

Superman says they do so choose, and the Spectre invites the heroes to step within his cloak and witness what will occur if they intervene.

They're seemingly transported to Blue Valley, just outside of the office tower. Kyle is creeped out, but Superman is confident that if they work together, they'll have an edge against the alien. Diana suggests a "divide and conquer" approach, on the grounds that the alien shouldn't be able to respond effectively from too many attacks. However, alien-starfishface Wally reveals that they're ready . . .


So then they pop out of the Spectre's cloak, presumably having never left the Justice League satellite. Kyle is freaked out, demanding to know why they had to go through that, and Diana points out that it is an effective warning. Spectre reiterates his advice to the team, let the military obliterate Blue Valley and it's alien invasion, or the entire universe might suffer.

Superman points out there are lives at stake, but the Spectre replies, "The losses will be acceptable. A few thousand at most."

But Batman says no loss is acceptable, and that he's willing to go down there alone.

So the Spectre sends the team back to Blue Valley again, this time, though, without powers. Batman tries coaching them along a little, "You're in my territory now." Unfortunately--

Superman gets shot, starfishface Flash (try saying that five times fast!) speeds down to the entrance to deal with the heroes, whacking the hell out of Kyle as he arrives. He taunts them that they should have arrived with their powers, that they could have joined up with starfishfaces and conquered the galaxy, the universe TOGETHER! Then Flash counts up the heroes he's taken out, but one's missing: BATMAN!

Yep, Batman's busy infiltrating the upper levels of the building through an elevator shaft. All by himself. Because he's Batman.

With the alien influence weakened by the temperature change, Batman socks Wally once to disorient the starfishface, and psyches Wally up. With Batman's aid, Wally is able to remove the starfish from his face, and smash up the alien whatever-it-is from the inside at superspeed, which removes the influence from the populace of Blue Valley. "They don't call me Flash for nothing."

But Kyle is moping that Wally's the only one present left with superpowers. J'onn points out that they gave their powers up willingly. There really weren't any other options.

"Indeed," says the mysteriously arriving Spectre, "no more an option than removing your powers permanently." After all, they weren't taken as a punishment. So the Spectre gives everybody back their powers, and walks off, noting that the future "shall be safe in the hands of the Justice League."

This wasn't actually the first appearance of this iteration of the Justice League, it had shown up first a year before in Justice League: A Midsummer's Nightmare as well as the JLA monthly title by Morrison and Porter. But this was an excellent jumping on point for readers. It introduces the whole league, pits them against a world- and even universe-spanning threat, dire straits, epic stakes, break-neck pace . . . everyone (except Aquaman, sorry) has at least something to do, even if it's only contributing an idea (yeah, okay, Batman steals the show, but hey, it's Batman! I'm totally fine with that.) And all in 21 pages! No decompression! The whole league pretty much working together, plus special guest star the Spectre!

Note to self, Geoff Johns, that's how you do a good team book introduction.

Aaron "The Mad Whitaker" Bourque; no, I'm not gonna let that little grammar slip-up go, not without a fight.